The Five People
by CfSbIi
Summary: Who do you meet, when you have reached the end? Warning Character Death.
1. maybe

The Five People

By: allie. 

Paring: Jack and Samantha

A/N: I just finished reading the book the five people you meet in heaven, by Mitch Albom. This is where I got the idea for this story.

Summay: Who do you meet, when you have reached the end? Warning Character Death.  
  


Chapter One  
  
When you die do you really ever know where you're going to end up? Have you ever wondered where you are going to end up after your dead? Is there any chance that you are going to meet people in your life that changed you for who you are and how you now live your life?  
  
The day Samantha died, she did what she did everyday. She got up; kissed her husband, Jack, good morning and she started her day like any other. How was she to know that today was the day that she was going to die? How was she to know that today she was going to find out that she was pregnant with her first child, and that she was going to tell Jack that night, but would never get the chance?  
  
How many times have you wondered what is going to be the last thing flashing through your mind when you die. Samantha's last thought was how she was never going to be able to tell Jack that she was carrying their first child and that she would never get to see his smile spread across his face, and she would never be able to sit and hold her baby.   
  
Samantha's journey was not like any others. No two people meet the same people when they are sent to heaven. Many people cross your path in your lifetime, but only a few can really change you. Sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse. No matter what, whoever you meet in your life changes you.


	2. all

Chapter Two  
  
The day Samantha died, she was on her way back to work from the doctor's offices. It was just a regular check-up, but her blood test showed that she was carrying a child, and she could not be happier. She and Jack had been trying to have a child for a while now, but the doctor said that because of the shooting, she did not weather Sam would be able to have any.   
  
But that did not stop them, they kept trying, and she was sure that Jack would be so happy. He wanted a boy so badly, but Samantha had always wanted to have a baby girl, to give her the life that her mother had never given her. That didn't matter she decided, as long as the baby was healthy then she would be happy, whatever sex it was.   
  
Samantha was on her way back to the office when she hit a patch of black ice, and started to skid. As she slammed on her breaks she crashed into an on coming truck, and was stuck in her car, for over two hours, slowly drifting away, while the rescue workers tried to get her out.   
  
Jack was by her side the entire side, and refused to leave even after they finally got her out of the car. As the EMTs rushed her to the hospital Jack held her hand and would not let go. When they reached the ER they asked Jack to stay outside, and let them to their jobs. He just prayed that he would be able to see and tell her that he loved her again. 


	3. I

Chapter Three

Samantha woke up, and started to wonder where she was. She looked around and did not recognize anything surrounding her. She was standing in the middle of an empty street, in what appeared to be an empty town. Curios to where she was she started walking, as her hand reached to her hip to grip her gun, she realized that it was absent from her wait. That is when she started to take in her surroundings._ "This looks a lot like where I grew up,"_ she thought. And sure enough it was. 

A small town, where everyone knew everyone, and everyone knew everyone else business. A place where kids grew up and eventually married their high school sweethearts, and a town where people were trapped. Trapped in a place and time that they could not seem to get out of no matter how hard they tried. 

As she started to take in her surroundings she began to travel the old route that she would take to get home everyday from school when she was younger. Her feet walked the familiar path, until she came upon the house that she grew up in, the house that she ran away from, the house that she had always felt that she was trapped in. 

Samantha decided to climb the steps and enter the house. She could not have guessed what was waiting for her inside. 

As Sam opened the door to the house and memories that had caused her so much pain over the years, she felt all of it come rushing back to her. She felt the torment, heartache, pain, and even some happiness. This may have been the place where she grew up, but it was also the place that she dreaded that she would someday return to, someday live like she did everyday until she was able to get away.

Walking through her house, she stopped every now and then to stop and look at things, her mother's tea set, her old dolls still sitting where she left them the day she left. Everything was exactly the same way she remembered it. Walking out the back door to her mother's garden something, or someone caught her eye, and as she turned around she never expected to see who she did. 

"How you doing Sammy?" Came a voice from behind her. 

"What are you doing here?" Sam asked, when she saw who it was. 

"Can't a father want to see his daughter?" he asked. Coming to stand in front of her. 

"Father? FATHER! That would mean that you were actually around, that would mean that you know something about me, it would mean that you stayed and you didn't leave me and mom! Your not a father. I don't even know you, and you don't know me!" she yelled. Stepping away from him. 

"Sammy, come on. I am here aren't I? I came to see you, I came to help you."

"Here? Where is here? What is this place?" She asked.

"Heaven darling," he answered. 

"Heaven? What do you mean heaven? If this was heaven, I would not be here. I would be at home with my husband, and my *real* family. This isn't heaven, this is hell." She spit back in his face. 

"Well your right. In reality this isn't heaven, this is your first step and I am your first person," he replied. 

"What do you mean my first person?" 

"Well you have to meet 5 people in order to get up to heaven. Think of it as 5 steps."

"Well I don't want to talk to you, so you can just send me to my next step or my next person," she said. Looking around for someone else or a way to get out. 

"I sorry hunny, but you have to stay and talk to me. You don't really have a choice in this. Come on lets sit down and talk. How about that?" He said pointing to two chairs sitting on the back deck of the house. "Come one lets catch up on all I missed."

"Sure you want to talk, fine we can do that. Why did you leave?" She asked sitting down. This is the question that she had asked herself so many times over the last few years. How many nights had she laid in bed, asking herself what she did wrong, and why her father didn't love her enough to stick around.

"Woah, and I thought you were going to ask me something simple." 

"Fine, you don't want to answer it, I'll leave then," she said getting ready to leave.

"Hold on, hold on," he said grabbing her arm, not allowing her to leave. "I never said that I won't answer your question. I just said that it was a hard one," he stopped a minute thinking of how to respond. "Why did I leave? Well I wasn't ready. I was just a kid Sam, I wasn't ready for a family, I wasn't ready to settle down. It wasn't that I didn't love you and your mom, but I wasn't ready for a family and I was still trying to figure out who I was and where I was going to go in the world. I was just a kid," he repeated. "You have to remember that Sammy. But never doubt that I didn't love you and your mother. I always have, and I always will."

"If you loved us then you wouldn't have left," she said looking down playing with her wedding ring, like she always did when she was thinking.

"No, that's the thing. I loved you so much that I left. With me in your life, Sam I would have ruined it. You would have grown up all messed up like me, and I couldn't have that. I couldn't have you turning out to be like me. I have made to many mistakes in my life, and I didn't want you to ever regret anything that you ever did. I would have hated myself if you turned out to be like me," she said looking at her and trying to catch her eye. "Don't you understand. I did it for you."

"For me? I grew up without a father. I grew up wondering everyday what I did wrong for you to leave me. I wanted to have you around. I wouldn't have cared if you sucked at being a parent. I just wanted a dad, and a real family," she said looking up to meet his eyes. 

"I am so sorry," he said trying to show her how serious he was. "You don't know how many times I wanted to come back to see you, how many times I cursed myself for leaving you and your mother. I never wanted it to be this way Sam."

"Well I am not going to forgive you just yet, but I'll try," she said. "Why am I here? What is the point of this?"

"Well everyone who dies has to meet their 5 people. No two people have the same trip, because no two people are affected the same way by the same person. Once an event happens it can't un-happen, and it can't happen the exact same way again. It just isn't possible. On your journey you are going to meet the people that influenced your life, whether you knew it or not. That is the point. They can answer your questions, or they can show you things that you might have missed before," he was now preparing to get up. "When I came here I met 5 different people. Some I knew and some I didn't. When your done meeting your 5 people you will go to heaven, and while your up there, you are going to have to help the people that you've meet in your life. Your going to be doing what I am doing now, helping people reach where they are meant to be, in their final resting place."

"But do you know who I am going to meet? How long am I going to be here? How long until I am done?" she asked.

"Well Sammy, all that depends on you. Each person has a different story to tell you. Each person has a different reason why they were chosen to talk to you. You'll see don't you worry. But I can tell you this, your on your way to your second person," he said, while pointing to the door of the house. "Go through there and you'll be one step closer to heave. I love you Sammy. Don't you ever doubt that," he said, standing and giving her a kiss on the head.

"I love you to dad," she said, starting to cry. She had waited so long to hear him say those words to her, and now he finally had. 

As Sam walked to the door, she started to wonder who the other four people she was going to meet were going to be. Who was she going to see on her journey? What did they do to influence her life? What were they going to tell her? 

As Samantha walked through the door, she saw a really bright white light, and then all was dark. 

  
  



	4. need,

"You don't notice the dead leaving when they really chose to leave you. You're not meant to. At most you feel them as a whisper or the wave of a whisper undulating down. I would compare it to a woman in the back of a lecture hall or theater whom no one notices until she slips out. Then only those near the door themselves, notice; to the rest it is like an unexplored breeze in a closed room."

– "The Lovely Bones" By Alice Sebold.

Chapter Four

When Jack and Samantha got involved Jack could tell that the connection they had went way over the normal attraction. It was something more from the day that they met at their training semnair at Quantico.

After Jack saw how Samantha took to the different elements on he courses, and in the classroom, Jack knew that he had to have her. Other then her killer looks, he knew that because of them, and the fact that she was a women, she had to work twice as head as everyone else to prove herself. _"She would always be underestimated,"_ he thought.

After much work, long talks, and even a few pleas, Jack Malone was able to convince Samantha Spade to join his Missing Persons Unit in New York City. And he couldn't have been happier. 

At first he watched her to see how she worked on cases, then to see how she interacted with people, and then under pressure. After a while he saw that she was able to handle herself in many different areas. But then he realized that he wasn't just watching her to see all of those things, but he watched her because he wanted to. He wanted to see her face light up when she cracked a case, or caught a lead. He wanted to know what she acted like at her worst, and not only her best. He wanted to know what she changed into when she went home, and how she wore her hair. He wanted to know everything about her. But above all he wanted to be the one she went to when she fell. He wanted to be her safety, her wall, her support.

Most people would call the beginning of their affair a cliché. Young, blond, beautiful woman sleeping with her older, stuck in a crummy marriage, boss. But it wasn't that she was trying to sleep her way to the top, or that he wasn't getting any at home. It was the undeniable attraction that they shared. They both saw qualities of themselves in the other. On a level it worried them how well they reacted with one another, and how well they could read the other, but it also gave them both a sense of comfort, and stability. Knowing that they were so fine tuned to one another that they had their own little communicative language that only they could understand. 


	5. you

Chapter Five

As Samantha walked through the door, and entered the next step to heaven she wondered who she would meet. She wondered what they had to tell her, to teach her, and she wondered if she was ready. She just wasn't prepared for who was going to greet her on the other side. 

Samantha stood on the shore of a large lake, surrounded by trees and beautiful flowers. As she walked along the shore, she caught sight of a small girl sitting on a large rock by the side of the lake. As Samantha got closer the little girl began to turn around. When she reached the girl she was shocked to say the least. 

"Lindsay?"

"Hi Ms. Samantha!" replied the girl, reaching for Sam's hand.

Samantha took Lindsay's hand and they began to walk.

"You want to know why me, don't you," asked Lindsay.

"Well for starters, yes." 

"That is an easy one. I changed your life. I was your first missing child. I stood out above the rest. I was the reason why you almost gave up, and I was the reason why you kept going."

"After I found you I wanted to give up. I couldn't understand why someone would want to destroy a child, take away what was once so pure, so perfect. I still can't," she said looking out towards the lake. 

"But you didn't," she pointed out.

"Yea, after you I swore to myself that I would never let that happen again. I couldn't stand to know that I was so close, but I was also so far away. But that is what has kept me going all these years. Even if I can't save one life, if I would be able to put one bad person away, then maybe, maybe I would be able to save more people later on. Stop what was to come. I know that you can't change the past, but I could help to save the future." 

"And that is why I am here," said Lindsay. "Because of you so many other little girls were able to grow up and have normal lives. You found my bad person, you stopped him, you saved so many others. So in a way you did what you had to. Even if one must die, you saved so many in return. If I hadn't died then who knows. Maybe that evil man would still be on the streets hurting other little girls like me. But you stopped him. Ms. Samantha, you saved so many girls."

By now Samantha was crying, and Lindsay reached up and wiped up the tears falling down her cheeks.

"What's wrong Ms. Samantha?" asked Lindsay.

"Oh baby, I couldn't save you though. I wanted to badly to find you alive, and when I saw you lying there on the ground I wanted to quit, I wanted to get revenge," said Sam, looking at Lindsay in the eye.

"But you did. You helped so many others. You are wonderful." 

"Ah, only if that was true." 

"But it is."

"Well it doesn't feel like I did all that I could." 

"Trust me. You served your bigger picture. You did what you had to do, for what you were meant to do. You helped people. You saved them, and in saving them you saved yourself. Helping others, help yourself."

"What?"

"You found people who were taken or thought that they didn't have anything. You saved people by showing them that you cared. They might not have felt it before they met you. Because of you people started to see the bigger picture. You changed so many people's lives for the better," said Lindsay. By now they had stopped walking, and were sitting in the sand by the lake. 

"There are so many people out there," said Samantha. "So many people who feel that they have nothing, you think that there is no way out. How did I help them? How did I really help in the long run?"

"I can show you if you would like," said Lindsay.

"What do you mean show me?"

"Come on," said Lindsay once again taking Samantha's hand.

As soon as Lindsay touched Samantha's hand they were taken to another area around the lake. They were standing outside a house, by a large window. Looking inside Samantha recognized the woman sitting inside. It was Lianna Sardo and her daughter. They were sitting in the kitchen eating lunch, and having what it looked to be a great conversation. They were laughing and talking like they were old friends.

Samantha looked inside and smiled. That case had hit close to home. It was horrible. It was because of that case that she and Jack had come to really act like friends after she had come back to work. That night he had come to see if she was okay, and they stayed up for hours just talking like they did before the OPR Investigation, before the affair was over, before Barry Mashburn, before he went back to his wife. That was another turning point in their relationship. One where they both knew what they wanted, and what they couldn't have. But from there on out, it was just like old times, well almost. 

"See what I mean," said Lindsey. "Because of you, Lianna was able to find her real daughter and now look at them. They are turning out great. Becoming friends, and catching up on all the times that they missed. You did that Ms. Samantha. You made them a family again. You were able to give them both something that they were missing in their lives. Someone who had felt an amount of loss for someone that they did not know. You helped them fill that missing void, and you are the reason why they were able to find each other and fill that empty place in their heart that they didn't know was missing until they found what they didn't know they were looking for."

"Then why doesn't it feel like I have?" 

"Because we can't always see the results to everything that we do. We are not always meant to see what comes of the choices we make. Sometimes things are better left alone, and left untouched."

"So through the choices I have made over the years have affected more then me and the people they were meant to affect. There was a bigger picture to the little things I did?" she asked.

"Exactly," said Lindsay. "Just because you can't see it doesn't mean that it isn't there, or nothing happened."

"So what was my bigger picture. What is my bigger purpose?" 

"Well I can't answer that one for you," said Lindsey.

"My next person?" 

"Yup! Just remember this Ms. Samantha, you may just be one person. But as just one person you were able to change a lot of things. You may not have known that you changed them at the time, but you did. You changed people for the better."

"Thank you. I will try to remember that from now on," said Samantha slightly teary. 

"Bye Ms. Samantha!"said Lindsey as Samantha felt herself falling backwards into a new plain of heaven. 


	6. need

Chapter Six

Spoiler: AYNOHYEB

Vivian's POV

I remember the day that Jack came back from the seminar at Quantico. The smile that he wore was one like I had never seen him wear before. When I asked him why he was smiling he told me that he had just found the newest edition to our unit. He told me that her name was Samantha Spade and she was at the top of her class at Quantico, but not only did she have book-smarts but she also had street-smarts. She could handle herself just as well as any other Bearu officer that had been out in the field for at least five years.

At first I will admit that I had my doubts. A rookie fresh out of the academy. But Jack was sure that she could handle this, then I trust him. When he told me that she would be arriving within the week I began to prepare for her arrival.

When she first walked in the first thing that I saw was the blond hair, and then her beautiful face. At first I thought that might have been one of the reasons why Jack chose her, but as the weeks went on, I saw how many people underestimated her. I saw how she was able to handle herself.

In this job you learn never to judge a book by it's cover and your first impressions aren't always right, and that is what I did to Samantha and I felt guilty. So from then on out I took her under my wing and I made sure that no one made the same judgement mistake about her that I had. But as I started to watch Samantha more, I realized that I wasn't the only one. When we went out together to follow up on a lead guys would hit on her like there was no tomorrow, and she always ignored them and the attention that they gave her. But I also noticed that I wasn't only the suspects or the greasy criminals that gave Samantha attention, she was also being watched by Jack. She would crack a case, or figure out a way to get a suspect to talk and she would smile, but then Jack would say something or catch her eye and her smile would grow.

I guess you could say I knew about the affair before it really began. From the beginning there was always that special bond between them. There was something there, that if you weren't looking for it, it would pass you by.

Over the years Samantha and I became friends. We formed a friendship, an understanding. We were always constantly out numbered in this male dominated profession and we stood together.

When the OPR Investigation began I knew that Washington was out to get Jack. They had been after him and our unit for years. But I knew, I knew that they would go to any lengths to hit Jack where it hurt, and that meant Samantha, that meant the affair. If Washington caught wind that Jack was having or had an affair or relationship with an agent under his command then they would be fired, or at least moved to a different unit.

So when Farrell showed up I decided that I would protect them both to the end. The affair never affected their work, and I am sure that if you saw them together you would never think that they had been together. Well if you didn't know them.

Once Samantha was behind that closed door with Farrell I knew that he was going to ask her about Jack. Find one person who would say something bad about him, find that one person who was un loyal. I knew that Samantha would never go against anyone, especially Jack. So I guess when Farrell didn't get the answers that he wanted he threw in the boom, the twist, the secret, their affair.

When Samantha came out of the room I could tell by the shell shocked face that she wore that he had asked her about the affair. Made lies to fit his truths. I knew that she denied it to the end. It was their secret, their lives, and they would each take it to the grave.

So later when Jack came storming out of his office, and started to yell at Farrell I knew I had to step in. Do damage control. When I walked in their I had never seen Jack that angry before. His face held a look out hatred and disgust.

Later that day Samantha, Danny, and I tore up the papers that Farrell had us sign at the start of the Investigation. We told him what we through of him and then left. Not to long later I noticed that Samantha was missing and I had only one guess as to where she went.

A few hours later when they returned I noticed the looks on their faces. I knew that whatever was there, or whatever had been was officially over. They had ended what they had began. I knew that everything was about to change.

Gradually things returned to normal. The same subtle touches, mismatched looks. The little things. They all began to surface again.

And that was when all hell broke lose.

Barry Mashburn. When I found out what happened in the book store. Samantha shot with her own gun, Jack handling the hostage negotiations, and then trading his life for hers. I knew all the cover, and all the secretly that they tried so hard to protect was blown. VanDoren must have known. She isn't blind. She would stand by Jack through it all. She might not have agreed with every choice he made but she would always stand by him.

One thing I never understood though, was why Jack never visited Samantha in the hospital. Maybe he just felt that it was his fault that she was shot. Maybe he couldn't stand the thought of her almost dying. But whatever it was ate away at Sam. If I went to visit her with the boys her face would light up, but them dim again when she saw that he was missing.

She must have known that he would go back to his wife. He had a family. But you could see it on his face when she came back that first day. The smile that he wore when he saw her step off the elevator it was like he had been reborn. Without her around he was back to his old snappy self. She brought joy, and light to his life.

At first transaction coming back was hard. Jack didn't want her out in the field by herself. He was trying so hard to protect her. Eventually they started working together again, and everything seemed to be back to normal. But then Jack started staying later and later each night. Most of the time you could tell he wasn't even trying to get home. The color black doesn't work on everyone.

Jack started to become more and more distant. So one day I asked him what was wrong and he said that Maria had asked for a divorce. She couldn't stand his hours and wanted him to give up his job. He said he wouldn't give up his job, and they could still try. But she said it wasn't working and if he didn't quit then she wanted a divorce.

I knew it wouldn't be to long until Samantha found out. When she did I thought that the affair would begin again, but I was wrong. I don't think Jack told Samantha until she confronted him about it. Neither wanted a relationship at the time, but they started to get back on track together. They would have regular talks, go to lunch, diner. The friendship part of the relationship without the privileges.

Soon they both decided they wanted to step it up. Do the whole relationship thing the right way. About a year after Marie told Jack that wanted a divorce; Samantha and Jack went on their first real date, and it just evolved from there.

Two years later is how long, I think, that they were together before the Bearu said something, or just decided to take notice. But by then it was to late. Jack had proposed and they were going to get married. The Bearu said that they would look the other way if they would be able to keep their lives and jobs separate and they did.

On their wedding day I don't think that I had ever seen them happier. They looked so wonderful, and they just couldn't stop smiling. I don't think that you would ever meet a more happy couple.

  



	7. too,

Chapter Seven 

Spoilers: Piolet, He Saw, She Saw, AYNOHYEB, Fall Out, The Bus, and Revelations. 

A/N: Sorry it took so long, but I was looking for some transcripts from Season Two.

Falling. 

Samantha was beginning not to enjoy that feeling to much anymore. How many more times was she going to be falling? She used to use that word, falling, whenever she was around Jack. Whenever they were together. When it was over, and she caught his eyes, when they share a look, a memory. Samantha would fall. She had always connected that feeling with Jack. 

Just as abruptly as it had began, Sam stopped falling, and her feet connected with solid ground. Well at least that is what she thought it was at first, but as her knees buckled out from under her and she began to fall again, she soon realized that she had fallen on to a bed. Being curious to where she was, Sam sat up and looked around, and that is when she saw her.

"If you are going to sit on my bed, you could at least take off your shoes," said the voice.

_"That voice,"_ thought Samantha. _"I know that voice. That is the voice that has haunted me over the years...Annie Miller."_

"Come on! I said shoes off!" Samantha just sat there is awe. "Yes, it is me Samantha. You can close your mouth now," said Annie as she turned away from her computer to face Sam.

"Annie," said Samantha getting up to stand next to her. "How did you know who I was?"

"Well I have been watching you life, like you watched mine," replied Annie.

"Watching my life?"

"Yes, and I have made you a movie. You wanna see it?" she asked.

"Yes, I would," said Samantha.

"Then lets get this show on the road. Here," she said pointing to a chair. "Have a seat we might be here for a while." Samantha sat and looked to the computer screen. With just a few clicks on the screen Annie had pulled up a movie that she had labeled "Samantha". 

Opening the file Annie turned to Sam and asked her if she was ready for this. Getting a nod in return Annie hit play, and they were transported back into the life of Samantha Spade Malone.

Samantha see's herself walking on to the screen approaching a dazed Jack.

"Think a fresh change of clothes will make up for a lost night's sleep?" she asks. 

Jack just looks up at her, with an adoring look on his face. "Well, if I looked as good as you in black, I wouldn't need to change." Giving her the look. 

"Jack... you collar," she says and she moves to fix it.

"Your starting to sound like my wife," he says as he takes off his glasses to rub his eyes.

"You should listen to your wife," she shots back.

"You do this for Doctor Fred?"

"Sure."

"How is Doctor Fred?" he questions, unable to hide the sound of a unasked challenge.

But she knows how to get him. Leaning closely into his ear she says, "Busy and unavailable. Just the way that I like 'em." And she knows that she has him hooked.

As Samantha watched herself on the screen she couldn't help but smile at the way they had acted around each other. Together they were so comfortable, they knew how to read one another, and they fed off of one another. As she watched the rest of the scene unfold she couldn't help but sniffle at the thought of not being able to be with him, or near him at the moment. She hadn't really thought about it until then, how much she missed Jack, and her life. How much she missed being able to talk to him, be able to cling on to him, able to kiss him. Sam felt the longing that she had a long time ago filled, when she accepted Jack's invitation to diner, there first official date as a couple. 

And then the screen flashed, and Samantha was shown images that she at the time felt that there were reasons for. She and Jack were walking down the street to their car, just coming from interviewing the husband in his missing wife's case. They were debating back and forth about what they thought was going on, where this case was really leading, and how they hoped that they wouldn't have to drudge up any secrets between the husband and wife. But Sam, who had played this scene over and over in her head after that day, knew what was coming up.

"Money... another woman... revenge..." said Jack looking down at the ground to avoid the cold air being thrown into his face.

"Call me old-fashioned but when a marriage isn't working divorce is probably the answer," she said. She hit herself for realizing what she had said later on, but how can you stay attached when you are standing next to the man you love, who has a wife, who has a family, and are talking about the fact that your missing person just might be having an affair. How can you not allow your mind look back and remember those times? 

Then there was another flash. 

"State your name, please," said Vivian. 

"Francis Appleton," replied Samantha, speaking extremely clearly so that the tape recorder would be able to pick up her voice.

"And you're a patient of Dr. Aaron Morrison?" 

"Yes that's right. He was my therapist." 

"You say you were with Dr. Aaron Morrison between 8:00 and midnight on Tuesday."

"We were at my apartment," Samantha said with a smirk getting way to in to this. The look upon her face was one of pure fun.

"Am I to take it that you were having sexual relations?" asked Vivian.

"I hardly think that's relevant," said Samantha. 

Sitting there Samantha wore a smirk on her face. She remembered that tape conversation so well, it had broken the case. But she was speaking from that the feelings that she had inside. She was unable to hide the fact that she was getting more into the part and feelings of Samantha Spade and not playing the part of Francis Appleton. Having blanked out Samantha only caught the ending of the conversation.

"Yes, we were sleeping together," said Samantha. Ha, now we were in the feelings of Samantha Spade. The secret part of her life, that no one was allowed to know about.

"And how long have you been sleeping together?" questioned Vivian. 

"About six months," said Samantha. _"A little over a year,"_ she thought.

"Where did you meet?"

"I was a patient of his."

"And you knew he was married," asked Vivian. _"I knew, he knew. That didn't stop the attraction. That couldn't stop us from the affair. Nothing could."_

"Go ahead and judge me if you want but you have no idea what a shrew his wife is. He's only with her out of convenience or laziness. He's going to leave her," said Samantha._ "No, he stayed with his wife because of his daughters."_

The computer screen flashes, and then goes black.

"You sure you want to keep going?" asked Annie.

Samantha just looked at her. Weighting her two choices she decided that she should see what else Annie would show her. In her own little twisted way she wanted to know more about her life from this view. From someone else watching on. But she couldn't help but have the feeling that she was spying on someone, or in this case herself. The feeling that she should not be seeing all of this. 

"Yes, I want to know what I was like from the view of the person looking in. I want to know what people see when they see me, and I want to know what other moments you have deemed important in my life."

"Okay then," said Annie. And the computer screen burst to life again.

But this time Samantha did not see a clips of a scenes from her life. There were random pictures floating over the screen, when she turned to Annie to question her, Annie just laid her hand over Samantha's and held her other hand to her mouth to single for her to stay quite. 

All across the screen were pictures, still images of the memory that haunted her for long after. On the screen were the pictures of her and her friends encounters with Jason Farrell, that pencil pushing pisswad, as Jack had once called him, when he thought that he knew about their affair.

Then the screen stopped, and Samantha turned to look at Annie, but she was still watching the screen, so Samantha turned to continue watching.

"You were right you know," said Samantha.

"About what?" asked Jack.

"It was dumb to lie to Farrell," said Sam leaning into Jack.

"Not a dumb as what I just did in there. I think I let a killer walk free, and I lost my job all in one hit," said Jack while toying with her hair.

"You know, when Farrell asked me about us, my instinct was to tell him the truth... because it's been really hard for me not telling anyone, ... being around you all the time and pretending like nothing ever happened, you know?"

"I know."

"I don't think I was lying to save you. I think, in that moment, I though maybe... if I say this, if everyone knows, then it really will be over." Looking at Jack in the eye she continues. "It is over, isn't it." 

Jack looking all around Samantha's face avoiding her eyes, and then finally catching them. "Yeah, it's over." 

And Samantha's heart broke all over again. That day had to be one of the worst that she had lived in all her years. Jack Malone, the man she loved, had broken her heart. If she could turn back time she wouldn't have changed anything about the choices that she made. If anything she would add random moments and she would bask in the light that she was in love, and someone loved her. 

*Screen Flashes, and Samantha hears shouting.*

"Open the door! I want to talk," yells Jack. 

"Who the hell are you?!" yells Barry Mashburn.

"I'm the guy you've been talking to. Jack Malone, FBI," screams Jack showing Barry his badge.

Samantha closed her eyes, she didn't want to see this, this was such a horrible thing for her to live through again. Over the last few years she had woken up in a cold sweat and trembling, clinging on to anything that would stop her room from spinning. The years since marrying Jack the dreams came fewer and less often, but that didn't mean that every time she pulled her gun on a suspect that she didn't get the images of being shot with her own gun again. How Jack looked when he entered the book store. How he didn't come to visit her in the hospital and how Danny had told her that he had moved back in with Marie.

Samantha willed herself to open her eyes and watch the screen play out before her. 

"Well... what do I get in return?" asks Barry.

"Me. You get me," says Jack. _"Oh no, I can't believe that you did that Jack. You had a family. You have two beautiful daughters."_

"Come on, Barry. It's a great trade!" says Jack, stepping up to the door, to get inside. "Come on, Barry, back away from the door. Let me come in. You're doing fine. Nice and easy," looking at Barry, and then his eyes settling on Samantha lying on the floor, her pants drenched with her own blood, looking so pale and fragile. "I swear to you, I got nothing." Jack makes his way around Barry and Ted towards Samantha. "Everything's going to be fine. Just... it's okay. Nice and easy." Not taking his eyes off of Samantha. "Everything is going to be fine. I just want to check this out." Jack kneels down toward Sam, he reaches down and lightly brushes the hair out of her face. "How you doing, sweetheart?" 

"I'm okay," Samantha says as her voice cracks. 

"Okay."

"I'm going to get you out of here."

"'Kay. Okay," Sam says and Jack is trying to help her stand, before picking her up and carrying her to the door. 

By this time Sam, sitting there watching all of this unfold, wouldn't have been fooled if someone told her that Jack and she had, had a relationship, and person with half a brain could tell that there was more there. A Samantha watched Jack carry her out of the bookstore and lay her down on the bench, she couldn't help but to think about what a cliché their relationship started out to be. They really did love each other. It may not have been noticeable to other people, but they didn't matter, what mattered what was what they felt for one another. The computer flashed again. __

"How many had cell phones?" asked Jack as they were walking down the hallway of the school.

"Eight, two blackberries. All the parents tried to make contact. We're assuming the kidnappers confiscated them." 

"What about the bus driver?"

"Bus driver Bernard... Griffin, 42, African American, divorced, no record. We're running a full background check, and I'm headed over to the bus barn."

"Okay, I want you to take Martin with you."

Samantha stopping walking to give him a look of disbelief. "No, Jack. I can do this on my own."

Stopping right along with her, and giving her the *don't fight with me* look. "Yes, I know. I want you to take him anyway. And what else?" he asked as he started to walk again.

Samantha just started at the screen. Back then it seemed that Jack was still afraid of her getting hurt, or thinking that she might make a rash decision. But once everything was back to normal, they had sat down and talked about what had happened, and then it didn't seem like such a big deal. _"But looking back on it now," _Samantha though, _"I still wanted to be able to prove myself to everyone, not only Jack, Vivian, Danny, or Martin. But to myself. I needed to do that, I needed to be able to go about life as how it once was and not as some special person, because I got shot."_

Looking at the screen Sam see's another image playing.

"What are you still doing here? Why don't you go home?" asked Jack.

Looking up at Jack, "Paperwork," she says before looking back down at what she was doing before he came in.

"I talked to Schmidt in OPR. You can go back into the filed, under one condition," he said. And that caught her attention.

"What?"

"We want you to see the in-house counselor."

"We?"

"Okay, me."

"No," said Sam, in a harsh, but weak voice.

"Samantha, you may not think that I am the best person qualified to talk to you about this... But this kind of event can have long-term fallout, and you've got to deal with it." 

"I just feel like you have lost faith in me," she said.

"Nobody has lost faith in you. Least of all me," he replies, as Sam reaches out to touch his hands, and her finger skims across his wedding ring. "Come on, I'll walk you out." As they stand up, Jack's hand reaches out to hold her close, but as if just remembering where they were he slowly lets his hand fall down her back and then into his pocket.

*Flash*

"Do you Jack take Samantha to be your wife, though sickness, and in health till death do you part?"

"I do," said Jack.

"And do you Samantha, take Jack to be your husband, though sickness, and in health till death do you part?"

"I do," replied Samantha.

"Good. Now I pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride."

As Jack and Samantha leaned towards each other they whispered, "I love you." and then they shared their first kiss of husband and wife. And the computer screen went black.

Now Samantha was officially crying. Looking over at Annie, she leaned in to hug the girl, and clung on to her for her life. 

"Samantha? Are you alright?" asked Annie. "I didn't mean to upset you. I'm sorry."

"Oh hunny, you didn't upset me. I just... I mean... Thank you. I just didn't realize how much I missed him, and everyone until just now. I didn't mean for you to think that me crying is your fault. It is just the opposite. You have given me something, that I am not going to forget. Thank you."

"Well, I make movies, you watched mine and I wanted to make something for you. I felt that you deserved it."

"I loved it really," rushing to accrue Annie.

"Then I am glad."

"Um... but I do have a question for you. Why those times? Why did you chose those moments?"

"Well like all people Sam, you have moments in your life that you will always remember. You have your moments where you felt either really small, or you felt really good, you even had those in between times. But no matter what you always seemed to be able to pull yourself out of them. You were always your biggest fan. You always wanted to succeed and you always wanted things to be done your way, and when you accomplished that you felt free. The moments that I just showed you, were some of your best. You always were one of the special ones, and these times are the ones that people have always used to define Samantha Spade; friend, lover, wife, step-mother, FBI Agent, and person. You were one of a kind, you always did what you thought was right at the time, even at the end if it had a fallout you never regretted a single thing that you did."

"Thank you, you have no idea how much what you just said means to me," said Samantha wiping her tears away.

"More like I should be thanking you."

"What do you mean?" asked Samantha totally clueless.

"My mother. You showed her my video's, actually that one certain one. The one where Siobhan were talking about who we loved, and I said that I loved my mother," said Annie as she watched the pieces click in Samantha's head. "You gave her something of me, that I would have loved to be able to tell her everyday. I just wanted to thank you for that."

"Well I know what it is like to lose someone you love, so I thought that I could do something for her. Give her a bit of you back."

"And you did. So thank you," said Annie as she stood up and turned off the computer. "Alright Sam, your on your way to your next person. Just remember. Not everyone is going to be able to answer you questions right away, but just like your relationship with Jack, it will all soon start to click into place. Bye!"

"Bye, and thank you," said Sam as she stood up. "Um... Annie where do I go?" As soon as the question was spoken Samantha was lifted up and once again, like before, she started to fall. 

  
  



	8. don't

Chapter Eight

A/N: Merccy don't worry, your not strange. Your right the chapter titles are from the song "Everybody's Stalking" by The Badly Drawn Boys.

Danny's POV

We always knew that there was the risk that one of us would die in the filed. We would be going about our daily life's and then it would hit us. That unmistakable feeling that something wasn't right, and we would be aware. But then there are those times that we don't think that anything is going to happen, you are either walking along the street, going out to diner, food shopping, or even driving to work and then something happens. Now you are never really ready for that feeling when you know that everything has changed, and that nothing is ever going to be the same again.

When I met Samantha, we hit it off right away. We had this friendship that was like a brother and sister. We were so ready to change the world, we believed that we could change everyone. Anyone that we met could be changed, even if others had given up on hope for them. 

Now Samantha and I both had our pasts. It took awhile for us to be comfortable to talk about them, but when we did if felt as if there was this huge weight being lifted from our shoulders. I told her about my mother and father, and what had happened, about my drinking. And she told me about how her father left her and her mother when she was still young, how she felt trapped in that small town, where everyone knew everyone, she shared with me her young failed marriage, and when the time came Jack. 

Sam joined the unit not to long before I did. I guess that is one of the reasons that we got along so well in the beginning. We covered for each other, we made the other one more comfortable at times, we evened each other out at times. If I could see one thing, and she looked at it differently then we were able to be twice as well in the loop then if we were only seeing it from one side. 

When I started out, I will admit that I was afraid. I was worried that I wouldn't be able to pull my weight. But then I saw how Samantha, Jack, and Vivian all were and how they had learned to lean on each other when they needed that extra little boost of something, of hope. 

I think that was when I started to notice the looks between Sam and Jack. At first if you weren't looking for it you wouldn't see it. It wasn't something that you looked for when you just start out on the job, your to busy covering your ass and trying not to screw up. But as I started to adjust I noticed that Jack and Sam had more then a boss co-worker relationship, more then a friendship. It went deeper for them. 

At first I wasn't sure what to make of it. I wasn't really sure of a lot of things, but then I saw how Jack took certain cases, and how Sam would find little ways to let him know that he was helping, and to let him know that it wasn't his fault that they had hit another dead end in a cold case. She always let him know that what he did mattered, and vice versa. 

Over the years the attitudes between them changed. You could always tell when they had been together. They would come into work differently that day after. There smiles would be bigger, Jack would be happier, and when they would look at each other they would glow, they wouldn't go out on every lead together. They tried to stay apart, but always, like magnets, were pulled back to the other. They were always more protective of the other one the night after. 

But things weren't always that way. After awhile the looks, the smiles, the touches just seemed to fade. I don't really remember when it all began, but the impact that it had on everyone was amazing. It wasn't to long before Sam came to me crying one night. It was right after we found that missing boy, who was adopted and tried to contact his birth father. After that they just seemed to drift. She told me that Jack had left Marie, and that she was tired of trying to keep up with him, and what there relationship wasn't.

That night I held her when she cried, and in the morning when she woke up, she asked me if I wouldn't talk about this, I knew how much she hated to show weakness, and she asked me not to talk or say anything to Jack about this. I promised her I wouldn't. But that didn't make me want to hit him any less. But I promised Samantha, and I intended to keep it.

But eventually the affair started up again, I guess, because Samantha and Jack were back to there old selves. I tried to warn Sam, but she wouldn't listen. She told me that she wouldn't let it effect her, and she wouldn't get hurt. But I could tell. I knew that Jack had to go back to his family at sometime. I knew that Jack didn't want to hurt her, I could tell that he loved her, but he had a wife, a family. 

When Farrell came I knew that he was going ask about the affair. At this point I don't think that Jack and Sam had been together for a while. Things were normal around work, but either they had ended it on their own terms or they were just getting better at hiding it. But I knew that Farrell was after Jack, and he would stop at nothing to get him out of the Bearu. 

When Samantha came storming out of his temporary office I knew that he had said something, and I went to follow her so that we could talk, but she turned into Jack's office and sat down to wait for him. He came back about 10 minutes later, and shut the door. I couldn't hear anything, but a when he came out and went storming for Farrell, and I am sure that if they hadn't been in the office or where anyone could see them, Jack would have knocked out all of his teeth right there. I had never seen him that angry, in all the years that we had worked together, I have never seen Jack Malone lose his temper like that. I was about to step in when Vivian got up and walked to the door, knowing what she had to do. Seeing that Jack was all taken care of I went to find Samantha.

When I did manage to find her, she was standing outside smoking. She looked like she had just seen a ghost. I went up to her, and took the offensive object out of her hand, and stomped it into the ground. She gave me a look of disbelief, and I challenged her back. I don't know how long we stood there before she started to talk to me, but I knew that she had to get it out. When she was done, I pulled her into a hug, told her that we would get through this together, and that I was would always be there to talk if she needed it . 

After all the commotion died down, everything was back to normal. Farrell went home. Jack and Sam were back to acting the way that they always did, Martin was clueless, and Vivian was keeping busy trying not to say something about the encounter between Jack and Farrell. 

The day that Sam got shot, I knew that something was going to be exposed. Something that was no one else's business was about to become FBI news. Nothing was going to be able to stop it, and I wasn't sure what to do. When I heard that Jack had gone it to get Samantha after she had been shot, and traded his life for her's I knew that the unit wouldn't be able to look away from them anymore. Now everyone knew that there was something there. 

While Sam was gone Jack was dull, and gloomy. He was back with his wife, and I was the one who told her. I didn't really want to, but she when she asked me if he was okay, what could I have said? I wouldn't lie to her, I couldn't do that, I owed her to much. So I told her the truth. Jack went back to Marie. He didn't want to be the carrier of bad news but he knew that no matter how Sam found out she would be hurt either way. He figured that if Jack wasn't going to be man enough to tell her then he would do it himself. The least that he could do was offer to be there for her when she needed him the most. 

When Sam came back to work, Jack seemed so happy. While Sam was in the hospital the office had been dark. If anyone wanted to get yelled at all they would have to do was say Sam's name in front of him and he would snap. He still felt that it was his fault that she was shot, and he felt responsible. Sam didn't blame him, she never had, probably never would. Jack had felt that he was to blame because he was the one who sent her into the bookstore, but he was also the one who was able to get her out. But he didn't look at it that way. He looked at it that he may have gotten her out, but he also looked at it as he had sent her in. 

The day that Sam came back, the whole office seemed to glow with this light. Jack smiled the second he caught sight of her, and from that day on he was over protective. Not allowing her to go out on assignments alone, not allowing her to go out on her own at all. I don't think that he realized that all that he was trying to do was really hurting Sam more then it was helping her. She was already doubting herself, she didn't need to feel that people, Jack above all, were doubting that fact that she couldn't do her job. 

She once told me that she felt that if she didn't have her job she wasn't sure about where she would be now. I told her that she would probably be in some upscale neighbor hood living it up, with a husband, kids, a dog, and a cat. She said that I was talking nonsense because she didn't want any of those things. She didn't want the picture perfect family. She said that she knew how hard life could be, and she didn't want some sugar coated truth, to what life was really like, and how things really were. She wanted people to know her for who she was, and not what she had, she wanted people to know the real Samantha Spade, and not some phony woman, who grew up to be hated by everyone including herself. 

I knew that she would never be hated by anyone, and I knew that she would never really live life like that. She was to real for that. She liked the way that things were. She might not have always shared what she was thinking with me, or anyone else, but she was real. That is one of the biggest things that I loved about her. The fact that she wouldn't beat around the bush, and she wouldn't take any bullshit from anyone else. That made her who she really was. If she believed in something, or someone, enough then she would never give up on them. That was just who she was. 

Soon things were back to before the shooting, before Jack went back to Marie. Everything seemed to be going great. But then Jack seemed to be falling behind. Staying late at work, not going home. I started to think that the affair had begun again. We all thought that Jack was trying to work it out with Marie. 

One day I saw Sam coming out of his office from a meeting, looking like she had just seen a ghost. She walked straight past me, and when I called her name she just kept on going. Later that night she called me and asked me to meet her at a dinner that we used to go out together to unwind after a hard case. Twenty minutes later we were sitting in a booth in the back of the dinner, and she told me that Jack and Marie were officially over. Jack didn't want a relationship till after the divorce was over, and Sam didn't know what to think. She had always thought that she was going to be the other woman, but now with Jack not being married anymore, she wasn't sure what she wanted. She was finally getting over the shooting, and the realization that everything can change in a split second, and now Jack was free? That was to much for her. They sat there for the rest of the night talking until the owner finally told them to leave. 

The next day when Sam came in she told me that she knew what she was going to do. She finally knew where she was going in her life, and she was happy that she finally made up her mind. She had decided to help Jack get over his marriage, she was going to stand by him, and when the time was right start the relationship that they both knew that they wanted. 

I will admit that once their relationship started they were really good at hiding it. The only times that they slipped you wouldn't have noticed if you didn't know what to look for. Soon they announced their engagement and to say that I was happy for them but I also wondered what was going to happen. But when I saw the look of happiness on Samantha's face I knew that it was all going to be okay, no matter what happened. 


	9. wait

A/N: Sorry it's taken a while, but I have just had so much work to do.

Chapter Nine

In every life there are moments that people deem more importantly than others. Some chose to forget these times, but other chose to embrace them. Sitting inside on a cold day looking out your window, watching the snow falls and gather on the ground, your mind tends to wander to times that you either think about a daily basis, or memories that you would rather forget.

Some people allow themselves to remember these times, some force themselves to remember theses moments, and some will even go through an amount of pain, willing themselves to forget them. Remembering your first boyfriend, your first kiss, your first love. These things will never leave you. They are a part of you. No matter how wonderful or how horrible the memory is you will always hold a fragment of it in your mind. A phrase, a smell, a sound, or even a taste can trigger either a happy time or a sad time in you life. 

His name was Hunter Glasby. 

He just like Samantha was a small town guy looking for a way out. Never had he imaged that he freedom would cost him his life. He wanted out, just like every other big dreamer in the small town of South Shore, Iowa.

Hunter and Sam grew up together. They were best friends, high school sweethearts, first kisses, and first loves. When they were younger, they had done everything together. You never saw one without the other, it was like they were joined at the hip. If they ever were apart then you could just ask the one where the other was, and just like that they would be able to tell you. Ms. Phillips, the nicest teacher at their school, once asked Samantha where her other half was, Hunter, when they weren't together. When Sam asked her why, Ms. Phillips just laughed and said that the only time that they seemed to be apart was when the other was using the bathroom, and walked off. 

But then there was the fight. This wasn't your normal fight, it was a fight between Hunter's mother, and Sam's. They were fighting over something that now seems so stupid that they can't remember why they were even fighting. But their fighting tore apart Samantha and Hunter. Hunters' mother didn't want Hunter to talk to Samantha, and Samantha's mom didn't want her speaking to Hunter. And that is when they began to drift. The friendship became strained, until one day it wasn't even there anymore. 

As the years went on, Samantha and Hunter had a some what friendly relationship. By the age of 13, they would pass each other in the halls and say hi, and every now and then have a random talk about nothing, or everything. Soon their old friendship was back, regardless of what their mother's said they became friends again. Hunter and Samantha were once again were always with the other. 

When they turned 17, they went to the prom together. At 18 they got married, and by 18 ½ they were divorced. They were still friends though, they talked every weekend, and they still had that same bond that they did when they were kids, if not stronger. 

The day that Samantha answered the phone, seeing the caller ID naming the caller Hunter's mother, and as she heard crying on the other end, she got a nervous feeling in her stomach, she knew something wasn't right. Trying to calm Amanda, Hunter's mother, down she asked what was wrong, and that is when she received the news that changed her life forever. Hunter, her best friend, her first love had been killed in a car crash when driving home from work the day before. And just like that Samantha's world was turned out or wack. 

******************************

Walking up a hill that seemed like a mountain, Samantha began to take in her surroundings. She had already established that she was in a cemetery. Why she wasn't sure, but she knew that once she found this place familiar, almost like she had been there before. Not to long after that thought popped into her head a voice called out to her.

"Samantha," yelled the voice. "Over here Sam!" 

And that is when she saw him, Hunter was jumping up and down, waving his arms in the air trying to get her attention. She started to run. Faster and faster, until she finally reached him. 

"Hunter! Oh my God, I have missed you so much. I am so sorry I couldn't have been there for you," cried Sam. 

"Hey hunny, slow down. Take some deep breaths for me, yup, that's it," said Hunter in a calming voice.

"I never thought I would see you out of all the people up here, you were the last person I imaged."

"Well, here I am baby," just like that picking up their old banter like when they were kids. 

"Good to know you ended up here," joked Sam. "You did manage to get yourself into just a bit of trouble back in the day, didn't you." 

"Me! Just me! Come on Sam. You know that you were there right along with me! I don't think that there was one stunt I pulled that you weren't by my side during. We did it all. Do you remember the time that we got our fake Ids and went out drinking the next town over, and by the morning we had to sober up so that we could go to church and sing? Oh man, what a morning that was, you could barley form a complete sentence!"

"Well you weren't much better. It took you like six times till you were able to get the button through the button hole, and then when you were done the buttons weren't even in the right holes!" Laughed Sam, now trying really hard not to cry at the memory. As they continued to talk, they began to walk. Reaching a lake that was in the middle of the cometary they stopped.

"Hey Hunter," asked Sam.

"Yea?" said Hunter looking toward Sam.

"I missed you."

"I missed you, too," said Hunter pulling her into a bear hug. "There hasn't been a day that I have been here that I haven't thought of you, and how much I love you." 

"I love you, too. It hasn't been the same without you around. I miss having you to talk to, and I miss hearing you tell your lame ass jokes, and I just missed not having you there."

"Hey, don't talk like that. I was always watching, listening to you if you ever needed me," he said. "But look at you, you turned out amazing. I couldn't have done a better job. I am so proud of you. You accomplished everything that you wanted out of life and more. You changed peoples lives, you fell in love, you got married . . . again. To a guy that is crazily in love with you. You beat the odds darling'. You did all you wanted to do, and everything you fought against for so long. You deserved everything that you got in life."

"You really think that?" 

"Would I say it if I didn't believe it?" he asked.

"No," she said.

"Good to know you still trust me."

"I will always trust you. I may not always act like it, but I took everything you ever said and / or told me told heart. You always believed in me, even when I didn't believe in myself."

"That's what best friends are for babe."

"Hunter?"

"Yea?"

"Thank you."

"For what," he asked turning to face her.

"For always believing in me. For always being there. For listening," she said as she threw her hands back and forth in the air.

"Come on Sam you know I would do anything for you."

"Really," she asked.

"Really," he said.

"Well in that case," she said turning to face him. " I want to go home, I want to go back to my family, I want to have my baby, and give her the life that I never had."

"Oh Sam, you knew if I could I would do that. I really would, believe me. No one wanted to see you have a family of your own one day, but I can't do that. I am not allowed to do that. It's up to the big man upstairs that chooses when you arrive and leave the earth, not me, not you, no one but him," he said looking at her with sad eyes.

"But it's not fair. I was finally happy. I had finally found that place that I belonged. Now I can't go back. I want what I had. I need Jack, I need my friends, I need to go home. I don't want to be here anymore. I want to go back to the way things were. Even if I couldn't be happy all the time, even if I had to give something up, but I want to go home," she said starting to cry. "I was finally happy. Me, I was finally happy."

"I know you were. And I want to be able to let you go home. I would give anything for you to go back. But Sam, it's over."

"Over. I have always hated that word. That is how Jack ended it the first time. And now look at me. My life is over, and I have nothing. Just like always," said Sam looking at the ground tears in her eyes.

"But you do have something. You have a family that loves you, a husband who would die for you, and you're a mother."

"I was going to be a mother. I can't be now. I died. I am dead," she said as if just realizing it for the first time. 

"You may be dead in a person, or in body, but your soul, your spirit. That is still living within the people that you have met, in the people that you have known, in the people that you have touched, loved, cared for. You are always going to live on. No person actually dies, because their spirit, their essence, their lessons, the things that matter, what you have taught people live on. You have actually died, but yet in some sense you are still living."

"You know your right," Sam said, drying her tears. "I just didn't, don't want to look at it that way. Death is so final and I miss them, I miss Jack. I miss being able to be near him, and wake up in his arms. I want to be with him again. But I know that one day, he'll be up here sitting with me."

"Do you wanna see them?" asked Hunter.

"See who?" Sam asked totally confused.

"Jack, your friends, your family."

"And how am I going to do that?"

"Look into the lake Sam," he said pointing to the lake. "All you have to do is think about the person you want to see and you will be able to."

"As much as I love that, it seems sort of odd," she said looking at Hunter.

"It takes a while to get used to it, but soon you'll see it is just like you are there with them."

"Thank you," she said turning to hug him.

"Your welcome Sam," he said returning the hug. "All I ever wanted to do was see you happy."

"I am, and I always wanted the same for you, you know."

"I know. And I was, and I am."

"Good." said Sam turning back to the lake, and thinking about Jack. As Sam got lost in the images swarming in front of her, she hardly noticed Hunter turning and leaving her on her own... 

  
  



	10. for

Chapter 10

Martin POV

Have you ever been in love? Have you ever loved someone but couldn't tell them? Lived in their shadow afraid to be rejected once again because they aren't interested or because they are in love with someone else? Someone that they shouldn't love, because that person already has a family? 

The day that I joined the Missing Persons Unit, I will say that I was scare shit-less. I had met Jack once before, and I knew of his reputation, and how people looked up to him. But I also knew that Washington was after him. His unit happened to be one of the most successful in the country, but his unit also was under constant watch by Washington because of this. Jack and his people may be the best, but they sure didn't get there by following all the rules. I knew that from the day that I joined the unit. 

That day when I checked in and went to meet my new co-workers I started to wonder what they would all be like. The truth was so far from what I got. I expected some old fat guys sitting around, and yes eating donuts, and all balding or already there. Never in a million years was I expecting the group of people in front of me that I was about to work with. Jack introduced each one, but when he got to Samantha, Samantha Spade, what a name, what a face, and what a body, I knew that I was in love. 

That probably seems like something really lame. Love at first sight, but it happened. She was the perfect woman I came to learn. She knew how to hold her own, and she didn't take shit from anyone, even Jack. She stood up to him when most would have sat back and let him do as he saw fit. But she challenged him. It was then that I knew that something was going on between the two of them. Jack would never tell her to back off, or to keep quite like he did everyone else. He wouldn't tell her that she was wrong, and he wouldn't ignore anything that she said. He actually listened to her, did almost everything that she said. I caught him watching her on more then one occasion. It was then that I knew that Jack Malone and Samantha Spade were in a relationship. Not like any others that had come before the other, but if you watched them, you could see that Sam's love ran deep, just as Jacks did. 

I didn't really catch on to it until Barry Mashburn had shot Sam. But I don't think that anyone really knew, well other then Van Doren, maybe Vivian, and Danny. So I guess that I was the only one who didn't know. It always seems that Van Doren knows everything that goes on with her people. Vivian has known Jack longer then anyone else, so she can read him like a book, and Danny and Sam have that brother and sister relationship, and they share everything with the other. 

At first I thought that I could ignore that feeling that I felt each time that I saw her, that butterfly in the stomach, weak in the knees feeling that made me love her so much. But I was wrong, as the years went by my feelings kept on getting stronger.

I asked her out for drinks once. Oh yea. Big mistake. I let my guard down and I knew that she saw right through me. I haven't let many people in over the years, but Sam always was able to, with one look, knocked down all my walls. I remember once right after she had come back from being shot, we went out for drinks. She looked so broken. But boy could that girl hold her liquor. It took her 3 beers before she really started to talk to me, another 2 before she told me about college, and then another 3 before she started to open up. Never once did she talk about Jack, and if I mentioned his name she would just stop talking about whatever it was we were talking about, and start up a new contestation. 

I don't know what it was, but that night as I walked her to her door, I was compelled to kiss her, and having had to much to drink myself I did just that. Now it wasn't this big huge elaborate kiss, it was a simple peck on the lips, just enough for me to die happy. But when she pulled away and I looked into her eyes I cursed myself. She just said, "This can and will never happen again." Opened her door, went inside and locked it. I went home that night praying to God that she didn't say anything the next day in the office. She didn't. But by the look that Jack gave me I knew that he knew. But what I didn't know is how he knew. They could just read each other like that. 

Since the bookstore I thought that Sam and Jack had ended it. Especially since Jack was trying to "work" it out with Marie. But I guess that their relationship had gone further then the attraction, then the affair. I guess that they were always friends. Who knows. It just seems that I can't get a reading on either of them.

A few weeks after Sam and I had gone out for drinks. Jack and Marie decided that their marriage wasn't working, and nothing; no amount of talking it out, fighting, or their love for their two beautiful daughters, would bring them back together. 

That is when I knew that Jack and Sam would begin again. They didn't actually start to date until the divorce was final, and even then they started from the beginning. They did the whole "relationship" gig. No one really caught on for a while. They were always really good at hiding their relationship before hand, why would this time be any different? 

Soon Washington found out about it some how. It wasn't me to be honest. I would have, but all I ever wanted was to see Sam happy. And if that meant with Jack and not myself, then I wish her luck. I really did. I would chose for her to be happy over myself. 

The day that Jack and Sam got married I cried. It was the first time in a long while, but I was losing the woman I loved to a man, 7 years his senior. It wasn't fair. I loved her. I knew that I shouldn't have. I knew that it would only end in a broken heart, and I was right. But how do you tell yourself not to love someone, how to you ever stop loving that person? Once you fall in love, can you ever fall out? 

It broke my heart. I had hoped that one day Sam might feel for me what I felt for her, but I was wrong... again. 

  
  
  



	11. me,

Chapter Eleven

Spoilers: CopyCat, Fallout

There are many different ways that you can kill a person. Someone can kill them, they can be struck unaware going about their everyday lives and they won't know what hit them, or they can do it themselves.   
  
Some people see no other way out and they don't know where to turn. They feel that they have reached their end, and they can't see any other solution. Most people say that when they are backed into the corner the hype, the unbelievable feeling that you get at the pit of your stomach, that slimy feeling that feels like you just swallowed a snake, a cold feeling that surrounds your heart, encompasses your body, brings you to that last surrender, that last feeling of pain, unaware of what your doing, and seeing your life flash before your eyes.  
  
Some write notes telling there loved ones that it isn't or wasn't their fault, telling them that they still care, and that they love them. Others don't have anyone, no one to care for them, and no one to see that they are hurting and are in pain. Once you try to take your own life and don't make it, don't succeed in that task that is truly your end, people say that you are "reborn" you "see the light." But how many of those people have your son find you passed out in your car, unwilling to go another day playing the game of life? How many mothers would ask her son not to say anything about what just happened to anyone? What kind of mother would do that?   
  
*****

Sam just stood there watching her friends, watching her family... watching Jack. She was so engrossed in her thoughts that she barley realized the woman who came to stand beside her. 

"It gets addicting doesn't it?" said the woman. As if she just noticed the woman standing next to her, Sam jumped. "Watching those people, your family, your friends, Jack. Living everyday. Going about their lives, trying to forget the times that you shared together. Everyday wondering how they can keep going on. Knowing that your never coming back. That they can never talk to you again, ask for your advise. It hurts, but somehow they have to do it. Somehow they have to learn. They have to adjust to live without you there."

That got Sam's attention. She looked, really looked, at this woman. She stumbled backwards when she looked into a pair of familiar eyes. They were eyes that she had looked at, dreamed of, got lost in. They were Jack's eyes.

"Yes, Samantha. I'm Jack's mother," she said as if she had just read her mind. "You can close your mouth now," she said laughing when Sam's mouth closed in one quick moment.

"But... I never knew you... I never met you... You were never a part of my life. Why am I meeting you?" Sam just couldn't help but ask. So many questions she had to this woman who was the mother to the man she loved. The woman who left him when he was just a boy, with so many questions about the world, and why his mother didn't want to be with his family anymore, didn't want to be happy. 

"It doesn't matter that I didn't know you, or that we never meet. That isn't what this whole 5 people, 5 lessons, 5 questions is about. It is about meeting the people that effected your life. People that had an impact on why what happened in your life happened, and why it happened the way that it happened. I was sent to you, or more like I wanted to meet you, because of Jack. Whether or not you want to admit it, you have to realize that I am one of the reasons that you two are together now. I am one of the reasons that you two are able to be together," as she said this she looked Sam in the eyes, and tried to control the tears from coming out of her eyes. The topic of her son, her life were always a deal of great pain in her life. Things that she would rather forget than remember. But sometimes, sometimes you had to re-open those sections that were the most painful, to forget, to heal, and that is what she was doing. 

"What do you mean that you are the reason that we are together? How does that work?" she asked. "You left him! You left him when he was just a boy!" she shouted. 

"I know. But I couldn't help it. If I could change it now I would. I missed out on so much. I missed out on everything. I never got to meet my grandchildren. I never got to see him grow up. I missed out on everything, and I should have been there. I will be the first to admit what I did was wrong, and it was selfish, but I couldn't see any other way out. And I needed out," she said now crying. 

"Yes, but the first time he found you! You let him believe that it wasn't on purpose, that it just happened! Something like that doesn't just happen---" but she was cut off before she could finish her sentence.

"And you would know, wouldn't you! You've been there haven't you," she said giving Sam a look that she had seen many times on an annoyed Jack. "You know what it is like not to want to go on. You've stood there looking in the mirror in the early morning wondering why you wanted to live each day, going to work to see the things that you do. To feel the pain, the heartbreak, and anguish that you feel. You went to work everyday seeing the man that you loved going on in a love-less marriage. And you hated it. You hated knowing that you couldn't have him, and that you loved him. You saw people on the worst days of their lives, and you saw how much love someone could have for another person, but you still loved the one man that you weren't supposed to love," she was now yelling. "You thought about it. I know you did. Right after you were out of the hospital. You wanted to. You had your gun ready, you wrote Jack a love note, you wrote letters to all your friends, you told them it wasn't them it was you. You were doing this for yourself. You needed to be free of all the pain that you felt. You needed to be free, and you couldn't be. But then something changed didn't it?" she said, her voice becoming softer. "You knew that you couldn't do it. Leave the man that you loved. Your friends. Your family. No matter what reasons you thought of, you were always able to see what you didn't want to. You saw hope. You saw a future life for yourself. Maybe what you were feeling would go away. Maybe you wouldn't feel numb after awhile. Maybe, someday, sometime, you will be happy again, you'll be able to live, and you'll be free. You couldn't do it. For that I will always respect you. Not being able to give up the things that you loved the most. Being able to see the brighter side of life even when you didn't think that there was anyone there to help you. You tried. You didn't want to die. You wanted to get better, and you did. Everyday you did something I never could do, no matter how hard I tried. You told yourself that you were worth it, and that it would all get better. It might take awhile but you would be able to get better."

"I did. I never told anyone. Jack doesn't even know," she said, with a hit of sorrow in her voice. "It was so hard, trying to believe that I would feel better one day. I got out of the hospital, and I just hit depression. I wouldn't take the medication that the doctor gave me because the pain in my leg that I felt was at least a feeling. Without that drumming in my leg I didn't know what it was that I was feeling. I was afraid that I wasn't alive. I was just this person going through the motions, and I was afraid. I felt like I didn't have anyone. There was just so much work, so much pressure, and so little time. I felt that I was being back into a corner and I couldn't see anyway out," she said starting to cry. "I never understood why I went into Missing Persons. I guess that I always wanted to find that one person who felt that they didn't have anything anymore. I needed that feeling of being needed. I needed to know that someone out there was lost and that they needed me to find them. I needed the feeling of being needed, and when I really was, I felt that I had all the answers in the world," she said looking into her eyes. And she knew. She just knew that she understood.

There is always that connection between women, that for some reason, no matter what the problem is, they know. They can just tell what it is that the other one is trying to say without really saying anything. There are so many times that you can catch your friends eye, and know what they are feeling. 

Sam just looked out at the lake, at the area surrounding them, and for the first time really began to understand. She understood that life wasn't always about what happened, and what didn't happen. But it was about what you allowed to happen, and why you allowed it to happen. So many people can do one great thing, but only one person can truly understand why they have done what they did. They are the only person that can understand what they are thinking. You may try to explain your feelings, you may try to explain your ideas, but no one can truly understand the other person in a whole. But standing there at the lakes shore, Sam understood. She understood why she went on why she was allowed to live after the bookstore, why she ended up with Jack. It was as if she was granted every answer to every question that she had ever asked herself. Standing beside Jack's mother she knew why they met, why they were meeting. Sam was allowed a glimpse of the life that she would have never been allowed to have if she didn't survive. She knew that she had made all the right decisions in her life. If given a second chance to change anything about her life, she knew she wouldn't do it. Everything happened for a reason, and for once in her life she was glad that she made it as far as she had. 

"You see darling. You and Jack were meant to be. You always were. You were made for one another. Together you were both truly happy. It might have been about the secret before, the affair, the knowledge that no one else had. But it just didn't start for no reason. There was that draw, a pull. You were made for each other. You knew it the day that you met him. You knew that one day you two would be together. It might have taken awhile but it all came together. It always does at the end. It didn't exactly come together as any other relationship would have. But you two are very special unique people."

"When I first met him," said Sam. "I didn't know what to think. I just remember feeling him before anything else. Like I had this radar for him, and whenever he was near I could just tell that it was him. I was so fine tuned to him, and his actions that it scared me a lot of the time. I remember looking into his eyes and seeing this love, and warmth for the people that he worked with, this passion for his job and his life. It wasn't something that you would always see. But every once and awhile you would find the one person who was really dedicated to what they do. That one person who always gave 110 percent on the job, no matter how it really effected their life."

"He was always like that as a kid. Putting his friends above himself. I just remember times when we would get phone calls at all hours of the night, and Jack would just talk his friends down, he wouldn't tell them what to do, he left that for them to figure out. But he wouldn't leave them alone. He always gave them at least one friend that they felt that they could always go to. He gave people trust when he shouldn't have. He was a hope junky. He thought that he could save the world, and in so many ways he did. He even managed to save himself."

"He is always helping people more then he should. He is always trying to single-hardly try to save the world. That is one of the reasons that I love him as much as I do. He never gave up on me, even when the others did. He didn't. He always thought that I was more then I ever thought I was. He have me the hope the strength that I needed to go on."

"You see, there are bigger reasons. You aren't always able to see the bigger picture at the time, but it always does show up. But now it is time for you to meet you last person. Take care Samantha," she said turning to Sam. "I know that this might seem odd for me to say. But whenever I watched you and Jack together I had never seen him happier. His smile was always brighter when he was around you. He was never that happy around Marie. I didn't even like her that much. But he never lit up around her, like he did you. You made my son happy, and for that you have a special place in my heart. Come and visit me whenever you feel like it. Once you reach the top a lot more of your questions will be answered, but for right now, for me as your person, you understood why you needed to meet me. You needed to open up to yourself, you needed to understand yourself before you reach the end. And believe me, you'll be just as happy as you were down on earth with your family and friends. Good-Luck," she said as she turned and walked away.

"Bye!" yelled Samantha as the shadow of Jack's mother vanished over the hills. 

  



	12. I'll

Chapter Twelve

Spoilers: Fallout

Marie's POV

Love. What a strong word. I don't think that you ever really can tell when you have actually have fallen in love. It is just a feeling. You know it's right, everything is how it is meant to be. But then there are also those times that you can't predict what is going to happen. You can't tell what is going to be around that turn. I guess that is what love is really like. It's like a never ending roller coaster. Except that this time, this ride, is sort of like a permanent high. Something that sneaks up on you, and you aren't really sure of what you are feeling until it's over.

I don't think that there was one certain time that Jack and I fell out of love. It was just something that gradually happened. It wasn't something that we could help, but it was something that just happened. His job, my job, constant fighting, never seeing each other. That was our relationship. It was not the healthiest thing for Katie and Hannah, but it was how it was. It was how we "communicated" with one another. 

He loved his job, and I loved mine. We were both workaholic who were married, married to our jobs, and had two beautiful daughters. We couldn't figure out how to work around our never ending confusing work schedules, and that is when we both, I guess, began to withdraw. That is when he started to stay late, and that is when I guess the affair started. 

When it first started he was better at hiding it. "Marie, I am gonna sleep in the office, I just got a hot lead on the case. Sorry. Kiss the girls good-night for me." Each and every time that I heard that I thought that maybe there was a chance that he had someone on the side. But I believed that it would pass. Some mid-life crisis that every middle aged man goes through. Every night when the phone would ring, late at night, and it was Jack telling me some sort of excuse about why he wasn't coming home, I found it a little bit harder to believe him each time. Wondering wether or not he was telling the truth, wether or not if he was really with someone else. 

Love isn't something that you can just turn on and off. It is something that is there from the beginning. Hidden in a touch, in a look, in a sentence. Sometimes people can be truly blind to what they don't want to see. And I guess when I first started to notice that there was someone else. That those looks, touches, were going to someone else, I just blocked it out of my mind. Tried to forget, tried to understand where we got so far apart, where we became total strangers to one another. 

One night when Jack called to tell me that he would be coming home late, I stayed up to "welcome" him home. He got in around 2 o'clock in the morning, and I was sitting there on the couch waiting. He came down and sat next to me. I asked him who she was, and instead of asking me what I was talking about he told me that it was someone that he was worked with. That is when I lost it. I had always known that there was someone else. But I was just expecting that he was picking up some girl on the street, getting God knows what sickness'. But never once did I think that he would be sleeping with someone he worked with. I asked him if he was in love with her, and he looked me in the eye, and I just knew. Without him saying anything, I just knew that he was in love with this little office whore. 

That was the last straw. I would be able to forgive him for keeping a mistress, but falling in love with her. That was just to much, that was something that I would not allow. The man I married, to fall in love with his mistress, some woman that probably slept around. I told him to get out, and that I didn't want him coming back. He could see the girls when he wanted to, but he would not be staying in this house. Our "families" house while he was in love with that little hooch. 

We were apart for about four or five months before he came home that day. I had seen it on the news. There was a hostage situation going on down town, and Jack was involved. I hadn't been able to reach him all day, but the next morning when I found him sitting in the chair next to my, our, bed asleep I knew what had happened. I knew that he had been able to work through it, and he needed to see the girls. I must have been an after thought.

When he woke up about 10 minutes later, I asked him what he was doing here. He told me that Samantha had been shot. It took me a while to figure out why he was telling me this. But then it dawned on me. Samantha... her... the mistress. I don't know why he told me that, and that is when I noticed it. The blood. So red standing out on his perfectly white shirt. At first I thought it was his, but then again, it wasn't that much blood. Only a drop, and that is when I knew that it was her's. I asked him what happened, and he told me the whole deal. Samantha had gone undercover to help with a drop, but something went wrong, and she put herself between a bullet from her gun, and another random citizen. Samantha had been shot, and the man who was holding the people hostage would not let her go. He told me that he was able to get at least one person out, and that man had told him that Samantha was bleeding all over the place, and that if she didn't get any help that she would die soon. He told me that it was then that he knew what he must do. He said that he handed Martin his gun and badge and walked into the bookstore to get Samantha. 

It was then that I told him that I didn't want to hear anymore. I didn't want to know how he had saved his mistress, how he risked his life for her's and how he probably didn't even think about his family, his girls, his own life. But that is when he told me that he had cut it off with her a long time ago. I looked him in the eyes and I saw that he was telling the truth, but I could also see the love he still held for her. 

He continued his story by telling me that this man Barry and he had talked about me, the girls, Samantha, and that the only reason why he was sitting here with me now was that he wanted to give me, us... a second chance. He said that he was sorry for the way that things happened, and that he wanted to be a family again. I told him that it was going to be a long while till I was going to be able to trust him again, and he said that he understood. But he was willing to do what it took to make it work again.

And I believed him. 

It started off great. Him taking the girls to school, coming home at some normal hours, missing only at the most one family dinner a week, but only if he was out of town. It had seemed like it was getting all better. But as fate would have it, I guess that it just wasn't meant to be. It wasn't to long before we were back to our old retinue. He was staying late at work. We were fighting more and more, and it just wasn't working. The day that we ended it was the day that Katie's teacher called us in for a parent teacher meeting and told us that Katie was starting fights by yelling at people. She was always yelling and the teacher thought there was a serious problem going on. She recommended that she went to go see a doctor. We thanked her and that night we decided that it would be the best if we ended it. Our daughters were starting to think that all we did was fight, and that, that is how you spoke to people, by yelling, by fighting, and I couldn't stand to know that, that is how they thought of their parents. So we ended it.

When Jack told me that he wanted to start dating Samantha once the divorce was final I didn't want her around the girls. I didn't think that she should be allowed to be a part of there lives, but Jack fought it, he wanted her to be a part of their lives, and there wasn't anything that I really could do to stop it. 

So Samantha became a part of my daughter's lives. At first it took a while for Hannah and Katie to really warm up to her. Kids can be very trusting, but they can be evil. Soon they started to believe that she was cool, and was totally awesome to hang out with. They became friends and I could tell that Jack seemed to be truly happy, and I was actually glad. 

Now my relationship with Samantha didn't go exactly as smooth as the girls did. I wasn't as accepting of the woman who was sleeping with my husband while we were married. But I soon learned to like her, and we even started to become friends. There were night's when we would have family dinners. It would be all five of us. Anyone looking in on these times would really begin to wonder what was wrong with this family, but in our own special way we all agreed with one another, and we all got along... most of the time.

Sure there were times when Jack and I would fight, when Samantha and I would fight, and even times when Jack and Samantha would fight. No matter what we always tried to keep these times away from the girls, and we were good at it. Sometime, some how, on our way to trying to figure everything out, we became a family, and we were all happy.

About 7 months after Jack and mines divorce, and the day that he and Samantha got together they decided that they were going to get married. I was supportive of corse, because, even I, had welcomed her into our family. The wedding wasn't huge, but it wasn't little either. It was just close family and friends. They were married by Father Walker and it was just beautiful. Now as many times as I had spent with both Samantha and Jack, I had never seen either one of them smile as much as they did that night. Both of their smiles were huge, and lit up the room when they both entered the church.

Now every marriage had there hard points, the bumpy roads that they had to travel together. Together they decided that they were going to live near the girls, but still not to far from work. Together they went through the fact that Samantha may never have been able to have children, and together they created a family that was all there own. 

To say I wasn't happy for them would be a lie. In all honesty. If anyone deserved to be happy it was us, and together we made this messed up happy family. 


	13. wait

Chapter Thirteen

Spoilers: Fallout

"The part of life we live is really short."

– Unknown

Samantha couldn't help but wonder who her next person would be. Would it be someone she met? Someone she helped? Someone from her past? Or just some random person with a story and a secret to tell? One thing that you can't do is predict the future. You are unable to see more then a few seconds into the future. Samantha knew that whoever she was about to meet would change something about the way she looked at her life, and the way that she lived her life. She had seen her father, Lindsay, Annie, Hunter, Jack's mother and now it was the time for her last person. 

******************************

Every moment it every persons life is planned from the day that they are born until the day that they die. Some think that there is something greater then luck helping them through everyday, some believe in God, some believe in Fate, and other seem to believe that they make their own ways.

When someone dies, you can't stop it. There is nothing that you can do to change it. 

******************************

"The day I died, was the day that I was going to find out I was pregnant, too," said a voice.

Samantha turned around surprised to find anyone else standing with her again. "You too?" she asked. "What is this? Can't someone grow up to know and love their child?" 

"I did. I had two beautiful children before, Wendy and Peter. The pride and joy's of my life. My husband and I thought that we wouldn't be able to have children after we got married. The doctor told us it wasn't possible. But Barry didn't want to believe them, and neither did I. We just kept on trying. From that we got these two little angles, that I miss every day." 

"I didn't have any kids before, but I did have these two beautiful step daughters. Katie and Hannah. We were on some testy ground at the start, but now I love them like they are my own," she said. "And as we are on the topic of family. I have only met the people that I have known before, or have been a part of my life. I don't ever remember meeting or knowing you."

"Oh, well I did expect you not to know me, but I didn't really except you to know me either, if that makes any sense. I am Nicole. Nicole Mashburn."

And that is when the reality set in. Mashburn. Barry Mashburn. Nicole Mashburn, Barry Masburn's wife. The one day of her life that she couldn't seem to get past, the one day that has replayed so many times in her head. The one day that changed everything. The memory of being shot began to re-play over and over in her head once again. 

Nicole watched as the reality of who she was set in, and was prepared to handle any of the major fallout that would most likely occur with Samantha's new held information.

"Samantha," she tried. No response. "Samantha. Come one snap out of it," she said a little stronger this time. Still nothing. "Samantha!" she yelled. This time Samantha jumped out of her own world into the present. 

"What?" she asked, startled.

"Are you okay?" Nicole asked.

"Yea, sure, why wouldn't I be?" Looking anywhere but at Nicole. 

"Well I just told you who my husband was, and he was the one who shot you with you own gun," she replied as if she were having an everyday conversation with someone. "You gonna be okay?"

"Yea. Just woah. I wasn't expecting to see you. I don't really know who or what I was expecting though."

"Well that is why I am here. So that you can get out any of the anger you have towards me, my husband, to my family before you finish your journey. I am here to answer all the questions you might have," she said. 

"I don't think I am so much mad at your husband, as I am at myself. I let the whole situation get to far before I actually did something. I was mad because Jack went back to his wife, I was mad that he didn't come and see me in the hospital, I was mad that I was who I was, and I allowed myself to get involved with a married man, that I allowed myself to fall in love with him," she said looking at the ground. "No, I don't think that I was mad at Barry. I was upset, yes. Annoyed, very. But mad, no. Mad wasn't a feeling I would allow myself to feel. I wasn't ready to deal with that emotion yet. It wasn't something that I was prepared to face by myself. I don't think that there was a time that I really ever truly dealt with it all. It just gradually rolled off of my shoulders and I filed it away until it all made sense and I was able to deal with the fallout one step at a time and on my own time."

"I want you to understand. Not everything in life is always going to made sense. People need to go through the motions until they are truly able to believe in themselves once again. Losing a loved one is probably one of the hardest things that anyone in life will have to go through. You have lost a lot of people in your life, and you still were able to deal with it all, you were still able to survive. The pain, the loss, the angst. These things are what make people feel real. Sometimes you may see the light, you may feel like you are in your own little universe looking out over the starts trying to figure out why this has happened to you, and how others have lived through this pain. But you have done it your own way. You have made it unique that no one can ever do the same as you. You set a standard for yourself that you, all throughout your life followed, no matter what life threw at you, you were able to beat the odds. You accomplished what everyone in life hopes to accomplish. Happiness." 

"Happiness was the one thing that I never thought that I would see. I had a messed up childhood, then when I finally moved out it wasn't much better. When I entered the FBI I thought I was in heaven, I thought I was at home. But I wasn't. I wasn't home, where I was meant to be until I met Jack. Then, at those times were the times that I knew that I was truly at home. With Jack is when I felt the safest and when I felt totally okay with myself, and what was going on around me," said Sam taking a seat along side of Nicole. 

"I don't really know what to say. There isn't really anything that I want or need to know. I want to go back home, go back to my life and the way that it was. But I know that can't happen. I know I want to be able to have my baby, and give it the life that I never had, I want to hold Hannah, Katie, and most of all Jack and tell them how much I love them, that they are forever in my heart. I want to know what my final stage is, and how come. I want to know what the end really is and if there really is that one place where everyone has everything that they could ever want," she said looking out to the sky.

"Well what I can tell you is that there isn't an end. There are no such things as endings. Nothing is ever really ended, it is just started over. Don't think of you life as ending, think of it as you have started a new beginning. As for telling you what your final stage is, I can't do that. That is for you to figure out. It is not where you started or ended. Is that one moment that you have stored deep into your memory. May it has been filed away so long that you don't remember when it happened. Or maybe it was last week sitting around talking with Hannah and Katie. Whatever moment in your life it is, it is going to be one where you were truly happy."

"Happy. But that could be anytime. How will I know what times was the most important?" asked Sam.

"Oh, you'll know. It might not click right at first, but it is one that you loved, and that you'll grow to love again, because when you are yourself, when your with Jack, with your friends and family that is when you were... are truly happy," she said glancing behind her. 

"Your gonna leave now aren't you," asked Sam, following her gaze.

"Yea it's about my time to let you go on your way. Anything else you want to say or ask?" 

"No. I think that I am ready," said Sam standing up. "Where do I go, or what do I do?" 

"You'll see," said Nicole. "Hang tight. And don't worry. You'll be happy again. Promise. Bye now."

"Bye," said Sam, and again. Like the times before she began to fall. 

******************************

September 11. That date is forever imbedded in everyone's mind, in everyone's memory. Some seem to think that, that day never happened, that it was just some horrible dream, and oh how I wish it was. So many people died that day, a lot started to question God, to question themselves, their lives, what they have done and what they are living for. People started to wonder if they were really living for anything, and why if that they weren't living for anything. 

If you didn't lose someone you still felt that pain that cut through your body, that numbing pain that takes over your whole body and shuts down all though except that which is evil, the thoughts that you shouldn't be thinking, ones that you knew would one day come back. The pain draws you in so far that you don't know where to turn, and what to do. You look for a light and you can't find one. There isn't anywhere that you want to be except your bed alone with your thoughts or surrounded by your friends trying to help them through the feelings that they are feeling that your feeling also, but are better at hiding. Because you've been there at that level where all good is sucked up and turned in to something evil. Something that you would rather not face, here in front of your friends, but alone, in you home, in your room, in your bed, away from everyone and all the pain that they are throwing in you face. 


	14. for

Chapter Fourteen

A/N: Special thanks to Sunreyes for all the help and the idea for this next chapter. 

A/N2: Pre-Piolet. 

_..::~*Flashback*~::.._

"Everyday we see people, and families on the worst day of their lives. Some cases are harder to put away to store in the back of our minds and others come home safely. Not all endings are like that out of a fairy tale. Some people come home to their knight and shining armor, and some don't come home at all. Life is something that you can't take for granted. Every person has to learn that in their own place and time. Some will learn it at a young age and other will learn it as they age. To each their own," said Jack as he addressed his whole team, all but Sam. "Come one guys lets go around the corner and get something to drink."

Looking around the table he caught the faces of all of his team members, his friends. Each and everyone of them looked as though they had just run the obstacle corse at Quantico. They were all wearing faces of tiredness, and disgust. Each case was hard in it's own sense, but the cases that involved children were the hardest to deal with, especially when they don't find them alive. 

Lindsay Evans was a case that wasn't going to leave any of them soon. Jack needed to lighten the mood, he needed to bring everyone out of the cloud of darkness that had surrounded the office like a sheet of ice. "Okay! I said everyone up! Lets go," he shouted. "Now where is Sam, she is coming with us." They all just shot each other looks. "Well where is she?" he asked, looking from person to person. 

"She is in your office," said Danny. "She has been in there for over an hour waiting for you to go in. She said that she needs to talk to you." 

"Okay. You all go to Oais, we will be there in a few minutes," said Jack as he turned to go to his office. 

"Sam," he said as he opened the door. "Danny said that you needed to talk to me. Is something wrong?" he asked. And that is when he noticed that her eyes were stained red, and her cheeks were wet with tears. "Sam, what is it? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine Jack," she said, wiping away her tears. "I don't know what it is. But whenever we don't find them, or we can't bring them back to their families, I fell like I haven't done my job. I feel like I haven' done the best job that I could have. I feel like I have don't everything in my power to change the outcome. And I hate that feeling."

"Sam you have to understand. We did everything we could. Sometimes in this job we have to take the good with the bad. But think of the times that we are able to find them alive to the times that we don't. Think about that feeling that you get when you realize that you did that. You made that mother smile when her baby girl was returned to her. You helped make that happen. When the outcome isn't what you wanted it to be you just have to learn how to look past it and be prepared for whatever life throws at you," he said looking at her with sad eyes. "Come on. We are all going to Oais to get some drinks. Come with us. You can't stay here alone."

"Okay then, I'll go home," said Sam.

"Oh no you don't. Your coming with me, and your not leaving my side until I say that you can go home," Jack said in his don't-mess-with-me-voice. 

"Fine," said Sam. "But not a word of my crying to the guys. Or else I would never be able to live it down."

"My lips are sealed," said Jack as they made their way to the elevators.

******************************

Ten minutes later they were walking through the door of Oais. 

"Jack! Sam! Over here!" Yelled Danny, waving his arm in the air to single where he and Vivian were sitting. It was at a large booth in the back of the bar. Vivian and Danny were sitting on one side so that left the other side for Jack and Sam. He let her slide in first, as Danny waved the waitress over so that they could order their drinks.

After a few drinks Vivian decided that it was way past time to call it a night. "Okay you guys, I'm gonna turn in. I want to go home and see Reggie." 

"Okay," said Danny.

"Night Viv," said Jack, with the echo of Sam. 

"I think I am going to call it a night also," said Danny, preparing to leave."I have a meeting I need to be at in the morning."

"Is that the reason why you didn't have anything to drink tonight?" asked Jack.

"Yea, it is," said Danny proudly. "Night guys. Don't stay up to late guys."

"Night," said Jack.

"Come on Sam. Let me help you to your car," he said, moving to help her stand. 

"Get off Jack. I can get to my car myself," she said beginning to protest his hand around her waist steading her on her feet, and trying to ignore the feeling that it shot though her body and the contact. "I can make it. It isn't that far of a walk back to the office. I am sure that I can make it without a problem."

"Okay, then. But I am heading back that way anyway, so you can guard me," he said. Keeping his arm locked around her waist. Truth was, it may have been helping her to stand, but he also loved the feeling of holding her in his arms. 

"Fine. But _only_ because you are going that way also," she said, as they started to walk towards the bar's door. 

****************************

As they neared the garage Jack started to wonder if anyone was still in the building. It was past 11 o'clock on a Friday night, he highly doubted it. So he didn't feel the need to watch out for that un-professional distance that Sam and he were keeping. On the way to the garage they had stopped for an occasional kiss. The first time that it had happened Sam had tripped and Jack looked down to help her, and as she looked up their lips made contact. Neither one had moved to either increase the pressure or pull away. It was awkward for a minute between them, but after a few steps they kissed again, this time on purpose. This had been happening all the way back to the garage. 

When they reached Sam's car, Jack shoved her back against it, and kissed her hard. This time not leaving any time for a second thought. For once he wanted to act on instinct and not on the right way. And giving in was so worth it. Sam matched his passion kiss for kiss. And as his hand started to untuck her shirt and found it's way underneath and was slowly moving upward she was not about to stop him. 

"Is it time for me to go home yet?" she asked through the fog that was slowly starting to take over her brain.

"Yes it is," said Jack kissing her again. 

******************************

Another day, another week, and another child lost to the evils of the world. I don't know why I chose this job. After all I could have been anything. But I chose this one. The one job that I knew would cause me heartbreak and pain. It's just time to go home, and spend time with my family.

Closing my office door, I make my way to the parking garage. Climbing into the elevator and punching my floor I wait for the doors to open until I make my way to my car not really paying attention to what is going on around me. As I look up trying to remember where I parked my car I catch sight of some movement in the corner of my eye. Turning to see what it was I never expected to see what I saw. 

Up against the side of a car was Special Agent Spade and Agent Malone. I turned just in time to see Jack's hand disappear up Samantha's shirt. Quickly I looked away, so that I would not see anymore. 

Monday I am going to have to talk to Jack.

******************************

Monday Morning

I've been called in VanDoren's office this morning. I can't think of anything that I have done in the past few days that I could have done wrong. Nothing has been different over the last few days except.... No. She couldn't have. No way would she have been able to see us on Friday night. No. It can't be.

"Agent Malone, please come in," she calls from her office.

"You wanted to see me?" I ask uneasily closing the door and taking a seat across from her at her desk.

"Yes I did. Do you have any idea why?" she asks and I shake my head. "Well wouldn't you know it. Friday night coming out of the office I was on my way to my car and guess what I happened to see." 

"Paula, please. It was the first time, and it will never happen again."

"Damn right it will never happen again. I don't need to tell you the dangers and the damage that you could do to yourself and to Agent Spade if this ever got out. You both could drag your careers to the grave, and I would hate to see that happen," she said.

"I am sorry, I really am." 

"I know. Which is why I am choosing to ignore this. For now. But if I see that your jobs are effected in anyway then it's good-bye, and you know I would have to do that to you Jack."

"I know," I said standing up preparing to leave. As I reach the door I hear VanDoren say.

"As long as it stays out of the office, I don't see why you can't continue you "relationship" outside of the office."

"What are you---" but she cuts me off before I can finish.

"I am not saying what you are doing is right but, ever since Samantha has joined the unit you have been happier, more lively. I missed that aspect of you. You might not want to admit it, but she made you live again."

"Thank you." 

"Your welcome, Jack. But don't let this come back and bite me in the ass."

"I won't. I promise," I said leaving. 

*****************************

I walk back into the BullPen and I look around. I stand there in the middle of the room, really watching everything that is going on. Taking in all that is going on around me, and then I catch sight of Samantha walking in from the elevators this huge smile on her face, cup of coffee in one had and is ready to face the coming day no matter what the outcome and I decide that today is the day that really matters. 

All is right in the world and I couldn't be happier. 


	15. you

Chapter Fifteen

A/N: Thanks to everyone that has left me these wonderful reviews. You all don't know how much it means to me!

_..::~* The End *~::.._

"This is a story about a woman named Samantha and it begins at the end, with Samantha dying in the street. It might seem strange to start a story with an ending. But all ending are also beginnings. We just don't know it at the time."

– Mitch Albom, _The Five People _

Every person has that one special memory. That one times that they were truly happy. Not all people share the same likes and dislikes. Some view things the same way, while others turn their head and look away. No two people end up in the same place in heaven. To each their own. 

Samantha's happiest moment was one that hadn't happened yet. It was a dream a fantasy, an image that she had implanted in her mind way before she and Jack had married. A dream that she had given up on when the were "over". But once they were married allowed herself to hope to dream that one day she would have this perfect dream that she had always thought of. 

******************************

It was snowing out when Sam arrived, at her final stop. She felt as though she had been walking for days. After a while Sam began to wonder where it was that she was actually headed. She didn't know when she started walking, just this pull that made her feel as though she needed to go this way. She knew that once she hit her destination she would know that she was where she was meant to be, but she hadn't felt that feeling yet. 

As she walked she saw this hill coming up in front of her. She stopped and looked around. Seeing nothing else she continued walking straight up the hill. 

*****************************

:: Sam's Dream::

It was snowing out. They didn't live in the city anymore. They lived in urban New York. In a beautiful two story house. 

******************************

The first view that Samantha had of the house was as she was coming up over the side of the hill. She reached the driveway and began to walk. As the house cam into view she knew this was where she was meant to be, the house of her dreams. The two story, blue house, with a red door, smoke coming out of the chimney. 

As she reached the side of the house, she looked into one the front windows. Inside she was Jack, Hannah, Katie, Marie, and a little baby girl playing on the rug in front of the fire surrounded by her family. Jack looked at the clock and said, "Sam should be here soon."

"Don't worry dad. She's coming," said Katie.

"I know. I just wonder what is taking her so long."

As he said that Sam knew that this was where she was meant to be. Gathering her courage she knocked on the door.

"Coming," said Jack, as he walked towards the door. "Sam," he said, ushering her inside. "We've been waiting for you." 

"Yea, I know. Sorry I took so long," she said looking around at everything, trying to take it in all at once.

"No worries," said Jack, placing a kiss on her lips and bringing her into the living room with everyone else. "We were just waiting for you to come home."

"Yes. Home." repeated Sam.

She was home, home at last.

*****************************

"Maybe all I need, you need too, don't wait for me, I'll wait for you."

– Badly Drawn Boys, _Everybody's Stalking_


End file.
